Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
