I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
