i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
