Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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