Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
