Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
