she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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