woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
