Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
