"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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