what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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