I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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