I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
