i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
