Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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