well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
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