i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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