Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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