your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
