clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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