I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
