I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
