apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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