i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
this hospital has no fireball
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
