I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
