party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I checked into jail on foursquare
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
