Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
