Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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