I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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