Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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