The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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