perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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