i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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