my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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