Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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