Your mouth is God's brothel.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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