They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
