I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
