I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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