I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
