I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
