i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
