He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
