I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
