Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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