I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
