After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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