I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
