So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
