Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
