I cockslap morals
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
