Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
