you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
