That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
