How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
