You smell like a Billy Joel song
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
