Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
