I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Houston, we have a blender
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
