I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
