He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
