At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
