I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
