so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
