I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
