To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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