I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
