You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
